ABD - AH64 v Speed Camera

The Association of British Drivers
Chopper Captions

They say a picture paints a thousand words, so we asked for your words to go with this photo.

A Truvelo Speed Camera faces the wrath of an AH64 Apache Helicopter Gunship

The intelligence services suspected the Gatso Terrorist Squad were also receiving illegal US funding.
Brian D
Brian had taken speed camera locators to another level.
Dave L
The war against terror takes a new and welcome twist!
Paul H
Look son, I'm not losing a race against a white van driver cause you're scared of getting a few points on your license.
'chocolate boy'
New improved Road Angel
Thomas A
Flash this you B*stard
Mike (6 points), Cambs
Quick, get a look at that colour - we'll go to B&Q and get Dulux to match it!
Lee, Edinburgh
Now THATS what I call friendly fire !!!
Nigel W.
Well, I know Jeremy Clarkson only advocated using a paintball gun, but I thought, what the hell...
Chris L., Staffs
"As soon as Brunstrom comes along at 41mph with that smug grin on his chops — fire the freakin' lot at his Mondeo!"
Chris W., South Wales
Uh.....Commander Vladimirski.....I think we'd better get the periscope down...
Kees Essaadi, Netherlands
Aircraft Spotters' new disguise confuses Greek authorities
'WstMount'
"Mr Spock, does it seem strange to you that these beings advance through the centuries with incredible progress, better cars, safer tyres and roads, and then use every piece of technology to punish the vehicle pilots everytime they venture onto their highways?" "Illogical Captain, illogical..."
Chris W., South Wales
Helicopter to white Van: "OK You're safe, I've jammed the radar for you!"
Victor W.
"Basically Mr Prescott this is the third helicopter we bought this month with the takings from that little camera down there"
Chris W., South Wales
I told you Saddam, there is a way of slowing the British and US troops down
Steve A.
Bugger, at this rate we'll never get to Macedonia
Martin N., London
Go ahead punk, make my day!
Gary H., Norfolk
Or a Latin motto for the chopper squadron? : Fabricate Diem Pvnc
Andy C.,Sandhurst
OK. This is number 3768. Ready? Fire!
Paul S., Scotland
Oh sh*t, you come in low to get under the radar and you get a bloody speeding ticket...
Chris L., Staffs
Don't forget, below 30mph we're in stealth mode, it can't get us.
Gary H., Norfolk
One flash and you're dead!
Steven T.
Group Captain 'Chubby' Parsons shows how to get away with doing 80mph directly in front of a speed camera — do it sideways!
Chris L., Staffs
"Command — Dragon 19. We have a visual on the suspect ground radar site".
"Dragon 19, roger, eliminate site with extreme prejudice."
Ainslie C
You may be able to take my car licence, but you can't take my pilot licence. Say goodbye GATSO
James F., Cardiff
Well guys at least this can't be attributed to Friendly Fire.
Gary H., Norfolk
What do you mean speeding? I can't have been doing more than 190!!
Andy C.,Sandhurst
Hey, if only we'd had these in 1940 — we could have bankrupted the Luftwaffe!
Chris L.,Staffs
Sorry Sarge. If I had my laptop with me, I could have logged onto ABD's website and warned you before it flashed
Kenny F., Middlesex
Hello Mr Blair and Mr Prescott. Can you see us? Give us a ticket cos we know a good method of payment!
John W., Camberley
Squadron Leader Harry 'Rambo' Henderson decides to pay a visit to the camera that caught him speeding last month.
Rebecca K., Swindon
I feel the need....
Nigel L., Lincs
There are many ways of objecting to speed camera abuse, from writing letters to newspapers, to less subtle methods.
Richard J., Leeds
I'll show you road rage.
Ryan S.
Bugger, if only i could stop this quick in my Merc.
Grant B., South Yorks
If you go a little lower we can chop the top off the damn thing !
D Archer
Two scourges of the world come together — Osama Bin Laden was recently discovered hiding out in a GATSO. Both public menaces were swiftly dealt with.
Matthew W., Edinburgh
Optical targeting, stealth, stingers, anti tank missiles, radar, chain gun from hell, GPS and we still got caught by this bugger!
Jeff M.
Relax, we're in Cleveland. I'll just say I can't remember who was flying.
J Kruse
Divine Intervention
Andrew H., Suffolk
One to the other: "Don't you think there is a cheaper way to get a picture of us flying this chopper???"
Jan Bosman, Netherlands
One small step for mankind!
Chris S.
Due to MOD. spending cuts, new ways have been found to test secret radar avoidance equipment.
Bob N., Leamington Spa
The Commuter Strikes Back
Rob K., Guildford
Hells teeth, I can't slow down now, theres a white van behind !
Stan W.
Did the wing commander say the blue ones were fundamentalist or politically correct?
John K.
Its OK cos we nicked the helicopter so the cops wont be interested anyway.
J Hazlewood
"Sir — Bin Laden or The speed camera"?
Base : "Which is the biggest public nuisance"?
Pilot "OK — the speed camera gets it!"
Graham W., Blackburn
Above shows a picture of an instrument of oppression of the weak and helpless, a tool used to force money from the easy targets and generally annoy everybody — and a helicopter
Paul
I told you Chief, that flashing was not the landing lights
A Thorpe
Does my bomb look big in this?
Dave, Hull
Never point a speedmeter at a civil or military aircraft, vessel or armoured vehicle. Many military aircraft, vehicles or vessels have target acquisition detectors, some of which initiate automatic counter measures.
Association of Chief Police Officers — Road Policing Enforcement Technology Code of Practice [pdf 887k, Page 40]
No really, we didn't make it up, it actually does say that!

And from those who perceive the helicopter as the enemy:

Borsetshire Police implement their new policy of zero tolerance on speeding drivers.
Mark M., Oxford
OK fellas, this is how it works. The camera takes the photo, transmits it straight to us, we deliver a verbal NIP over the load hailer and then pick off the scumbag speeder with a missile before he gets to the next turnoff. Oh, and don't forget, we use the cannon for bikers
(This experiment was deemed a failure because the governments legal department couldn't find a loophole which allowed them to extract the Ł60 fine from the drivers estate)
Gary H., Norfolk

Got a better caption? Contact the webmaster
Look, this is supposed to be a light hearted page (humour in the face of adversity and all that) so:
The ABD reserves the right to totally ignore boring suggestions, complaints, killjoys, self-righteous bigots, sanctimonious bureaucrats, etc.
Disclaimer: The ABD does not advocate the use of helicopter gunships to ~~vandalize~~ vapourize speed cameras.