The hare-brained scheme would be enforced by cameras reading number plates and issuing fines to drivers who have not got the OK from the council. As anyone who has ever tried to phone a council will know, this would reduce traffic volumes to nil since nobody would ever get past the switchboard.

To supplement the plan, the ABD has some further suggestions for schemes Edinburgh Council may wish to consider:

• Drivers are required to email a councillor if they want to turn left
• Drivers must fill in a form on the council website if they want to turn right
• Drivers must post a letter to the council seeking written permission to apply their brakes
• Pedestrians must fill out a 12-page form every time they wish to cross the road
• Cyclists must provide five forms of identification before they are allowed to use a council-designated cycle route

"The truly astonishing thing about this kind of crackpot scheme is that we all pay council taxes to employ these people," said ABD spokesman Ben Lovejoy. "When most councils can't even mend broken street lights and fill in potholes, it is both tragic as well as comic that public time and money are wasted on this kind of nonsense. What we need from councils is less social engineering and more road engineering."