The Mouthpiece of the Bus Companies, Transport 2000, has recently called for the popular TV programme 'Top Gear' to be scrapped and replaced with an 'environmentally friendly' programme called 'Third Gear'.
 
On their website, they have proposed an outline for the first editions of 'Third Gear', which we suggest you read first, then read our alternative ideas below...

 
 
The new all-green replacement for Top Gear will promote sensible driving in sensible vehicles, wearing sensible shoes.
 
It short, it will be devoted to encouraging politically-correct motoring based on less sensible cars, considerate and safety-conscious driving at 29mph in the middle lane of a busy motorway, and thorough exploration of the inadequate alternatives to the car.
 
Turd Gear gives the Editor of the Transport 2000 website the chance to present Transport 2000's true image: the greener, more naive, and pinker, socialist, one. But there is no reason for him to stop to help the odd cyclist mend a puncture — Michael Palin, in his Python guise of "Bicycle Repair Man", will deal with those.
 
Here is the running order for the first two editions of Turd Gear, the first to be broadcast on 5th June, World Hot Air Day, with the follow up a week later during Politically-Correct Transport Week.
 


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